Sweet Victory

At the beginning of the year, I told myself that I would do better about keeping up with my writing.  I love getting my words out in this format, but things just sometimes get in the way.  We had some more illnesses, and then I had some struggles of my own.  I didn't feel worthy to write, and I decided that I needed to get better control of my life before I started writing again.  And then, the obvious occurred to me.  I can never and will never be "perfect" enough.  I don't have to "have it all together" and make a profound statement in everything I write.

Recently, I started to once again listen to the lies that I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, not supermom enough.  I'm sure we all have those kinds of days, but the key is to "snap out of" that mindset.  Sometimes, that's not easy -- especially when you try to do it on your own. 

For more than half of my life, I have dealt with an eating disorder.  I never thought recovery was possible.  I knew that God could do great things -- after all, He's God.  But, I didn't think I would ever be healed.  I never fully believed, and I never fully committed it to Him -- until I finally sought and accepted help.   I had been told countless times to just surrender it to Him, but that is easier said than done when Satan is working on the side of the eating disorder, whispering lies whenever he has a chance.  Three years ago, I fully embraced my recovery journey, and my relationship with food and my body changed in a way I never imagined possible.  When you have been trapped in such a battle, freedom feels very liberating.  But, there are always the occassional difficulties.  Every once in a while, those sinister whispers return in a desperate attempt to once again convince me of the lies. 

In those moments when I feel that I'm not good enough, that is when I must remember that HE IS good enough.  When I feel that I am not pretty enough, I need to remember that HE doesn't create ugliness.  Satan does.  And since I am a child of God, HE made me beautiful.  When I feel like I can't possibly be the supermom I need to be to my little girls, I need to tell myself that HE gives the strength and wisdom and discernment I need to be the kind of mommy that my children need.  I may not be enough -- but with Him, I have all I need.  And only He can give me the victory.  Recovery from an eating disorder doesn't just happen in a day.  I don't know of anyone who was anorexic one day and perfectly fine the next.  It takes a conscious effort each and every day.  It takes a determination to have victory each day over the illness.  In the same way, we all, if we are honest, need to make a conscious decision each day to allow Christ to have the victory in our lives for that day.  Otherwise, Satan is roaming free -- and his lies are tempting.  Let's remember Whose power is greater, Whose words are always true, and Whose victory is sweeter.