Give it a Rest!

Yesterday morning, after putting the girls on the bus for school, I tried to turn my attention to some things I needed to accomplish around the house.  I like to take advantage of the few hours each week when I only have one child to watch, so I can get some housework done.  However, Patience was not fully cooperating.  I knew my time was limited anyways, since I had to take her to the pediatrician's office for a vaccine, so I was becoming quite annoyed that the baby wanted my attention.  Didn't she see the pile of laundry that needed to be folded?  What was her problem?  She had been changed and fed; and there were piles of toys surrounding her, waiting to be played with or chewed on.  But nothing satisfied her.  She wanted Mommy, and Mommy just needed to stop and hold her. 

I started thinking about how often all three of my children cry for my attention.  Often, their needs seem trite to me.  Grace took a book away from Hope.  Hope threw a toy at Patience.  Patience pulled Grace's hair.  Many times, I don't even know why they are upset.  But the reasons are valid to them, and they need their Mommy to give them comfort and understanding.  I wonder how many times we do this to our heavenly Father.  I know I am often guilty.  So and so never calls me.  Why don't I have any friends?  Why can't we eat a meal without some sort of meltdown?  As pathetic as each of my cries may be, He patiently hears me and gently gives me the comfort that only He can provide.

In my motherhood journey, I quickly learned that a lack of sleep usually results in very cranky children and those seemingly trite complaints become magnified.  It always baffles me that my girls fight sleep so much.  Who wouldn't want to sleep?  I love sleep and would give anything to just be able to set everything aside to sleep for a few hours in the middle of every day.  I wonder if the Lord wonders the same thing about me.  Why doesn't Mary just stop and rest in Me?  Why is she fighting My calm?  Her world would not seem so chaotic and futile to her if she just laid all of her cares at My feet each day, before the troubles overtake her and she feels like she just can't go on.

So, amidst caring for a fussy baby, I learned an important lesson.  Just as Mommy can make things better when things are out of control for the girls, my Heavenly Father can put the pieces back together when my world is spinning.  If Grace, Hope, and Patience would just listen to Mommy and take a nap everyday, they wouldn't be cranky and miserable halfway through the day.  If Mommy would just listen to the Lord, she would know enough to rest in Him and let His strength carry her through the day.  Slowly but surely, I'm learning; and wow, what a difference it makes!

Nurse turned Mommy

Just a few short years ago, I was working crazy 12 hour night shifts in an intensive care unit.  I dealt with cranky doctors, feisty patients, and more lines and tubes than most people would care to think of.  But I knew where each line started and ended, what medications were being infused, and what the physician should have ordered before he left for the night.  High-stress?  Maybe.  Frustrating?  Sometimes.  Messy?  Always.  Rewarding?  Occasionally.

Fast forward several years to my current life as a stay at home mother to three children under the age of three.  Wow.  If only I knew how easy I had it back then!  I actually say that in the nicest way.  I love my children more than words can describe, but sometimes I just can't believe how difficult motherhood is, and how often I feel like I have failed in some way.

When I worked as an RN, I felt confident.  I would pride myself in my ability to stay calm and handle every situation methodically.  As a mother, well, that's a different story!  I am still calm and methodical, but sometimes I don't feel so confident in my mothering skills.

This month, I started my new resolution of spending time each day with the Lord, no matter how hectic life became.  I cannot even begin to describe how different my days have been since doing this.  Most days, I spend my "quiet time" in the morning.  Each day is still crazy and chaotic, but life has seemed brighter to me.  I'm reaching out in new ways, and slowly bidding farewell to pessimism.  I know that all I can do is take one moment at a time by God's great grace.  He gives me the strength to handle the many crises which pop up each day.  Just when I think I'm doing a good job, something happens to humble me and realize that it is not me, but Him.  I have a renewed excitement for the future and the potential of each new day.  I am determined not to dread these difficult years, but to relish the craziness and thank the Lord for providing everything I need. 

All in all, I'm glad I traded my scrubs for my sweatpants.  Instead of calling a doctor in the middle of the night for orders on the new post-op patient, I'm on the line with the Great Physician.  It's easy to follow orders from the One who made my children!  Whether it's potty training, teething, mealtime chaos, or sibling rivalry, I know He has all of the answers.  Since He's not in the habit of giving me perfect formulas with exact solutions to all of my problems all at once, I just keep coming to him every day.  It has made a difference in my life, and I'm not about ready to get rid of a good thing!

High stress?  Not with the Lord by my side!  Frustrating?  Most definitely.  Messy?  Always.  Rewarding?  Every moment of every day!

Clean Slate

I haven't made a New Year's resolution for a very long time. Instead of failing at something, I decided to spare myself the disappointment. But, this year, I knew a few things had to change.

First and foremost, my personal devotion and prayer life needed a serious overhaul. As a mother, it's easy to make excuses why I can't possibly fit time with God into my day. It's a terrible statement, but it's how I've been living. This is how my day would go. First, I would awake with not nearly enough sleep, feeling far from chipper, and hear one or more children awake. Sorry. No time for Bible reading now. I can't neglect my children. So the day begins. Then, there is the constant needs. A toddler needs a fresh diaper. A baby needs to be fed. The laundry needs to get started. If I don't start supper now, it won't be ready when we need it. And so the day continues. The constant tasks. If there is a rare moment when at least 2 of the 3 children are napping, I feel that I should use that time to shower, for my sake and the sake of my family! The day continues. Nighttime arrives. The children are bedded down. Now, it is time for the neverending list of other random things that need to get done which I can't tackle during the day when little feet are roaming free. I am then in no frame of mind to spend with God, or so I said. And then it would be off to bed for some coveted sleep. Well, things have changed and I am determined to dedicate time to the Lord each day. My goal is mornings, but I know that sometimes things happen, and my heavenly Father understands that. Regardless, I will squeeze that time in every day, even if it is after everyone is in bed. I have already felt much more calm during my days. Things always seem to go just a little smoother when I take the time to spend with God. Of course, the daily trials still occur. Kids still get sick, crayon marks need to be scrubbed from walls, and the baby still wakes up 5 or 6 times at night. But, my attitude and perspective has changed.

2010 was a difficult year filled with many changes. We moved twice. In a sense, it felt like we lost our best friends when my sister and Jeff's brother moved to Kentucky. We had to get acquainted with a new state, a new job, and new baby, a loss of pets, and a lack of any real friendships. We moved away from people we loved, from the church where we were married, from the home where we made so many memories. We lived in a hotel, travelled halfway across the country with a 2 week old, spent countless days in hospitals and doctor's offices, and administered an endless number of breathing treatments. We had lots of adventures, lots of tears, lots of scary moments, and an abundance of blessings. I don't know what 2011 holds. I don't want to know. If I had known everything about 2010, I probably would have wanted to give up on day one. But, thankfully, I have a God who grants me enough stamina for each day that I'm given. With Him, I can handle one day at a time. I'm just thankful that my God generously gives me a clean slate. And if I mess things up again tomorrow, He'll give me another chance. It doesn't have to be January 1st for me to start things anew.

The Unplanned Life

It seems like life rarely happens as planned -- at least as I plan. I realized this anew with the recent birth of my 3rd daughter. I thought I would have one of those storybook labors (whatever that is), something I didn't have the 1st time around with my twins. But God had different plans, something I wouldn't have imagined, but something that wound up being the best for my little girl. So now I'm glad that things didn't go as planned.
When I look back over the 29 years of my life, I realize that many things didn't go as planned. Growing up, I figured my life would be filled with a career. Even though I had fairy tale dreams of love and marriage, I thought that a family of my own was out of my reach -- so I made other plans. But God's plans surpassed my own -- for which I am eternally grateful.
Four years ago, I met the man who would change my life and make the fairy tale come true. A year later, we were married in a small country church in Wisconsin with our two beautiful horses looking on. Once again, something I never imagined. It would be the beginning of a whirlwhind year. Less than two months later, I had to leave my new husband to check into an eating disorder rehab program for 45 days. My motivation for recovery -- the hope that some day I could have children if I received treatment. A horse trampling, a tumor discovery, and surgery that I thought would surely hamper my longing for children, all ensued.
I never planned to have twins, but God did. I figured my pregnancy would be relatively normal -- not ridden with every possible obstetrical nightmare. I didn't plan to give birth prematurely at 29 weeks, but God had it all taken care of.
Looking back, I can see lots of tears and questions. Many times, I cried out to God, searching for answers. I still don't know why He allowed some struggles and pain. But I have peace knowing that He is and always has been in control.
And so, I've decided that I need to live an "unplanned life." After all, there is no sense in making plans when my Heavenly Father has higher goals in mind. Instead of being a career woman, I'm a happy wife to my own Prince Charming and a delighted mommy to 3 precious girls. I'm glad I chose His plan over my own!

Give Up!

God's Hand is always at work. The past few weeks have been quite eventful. Happily, our family is settled into a cozy little home in Ohio. Four years ago, or even four months ago, I never would have imagined my life where it is now. However, I couldn't be more content.

Sometimes, it's really hard not to focus on our problems. I think we all can be found guilty of that every now and then. "Woe is me", "Why me?", and "I just can't handle any more" can plague our thoughts like a dreadful swarm of locusts, buzzing about us, growing in strength and number the more we dwell on them. I've certainly had my share of complaints lately. From aching muscles to hospital visits to insensitive comments . . . well, I could go on. But, I won't. My problems, trite as they may seem to others, but thoroughly valid in my own mind, should be laid at the feet of my Heavenly Father for Him to deal with. He is much more powerful than me, and certainly far larger than my problems. Every day, every hour, every moment of my "turmoil" I need to remember to just give up. Give up on me trying to fix things, give up on me trying to change people, give up on feeling regret for things in the past, give up on feeling anxiety for the future, give up on trying to be perfect. Sound pessimistic? Definitely not! I can experience a whole new world of freedom if I just take a deep breath, give it all up to my Savior, and realize that He can fix things much better than I can, only He can change people, He can take away my past regrets, He can give me hope for the future, and only He is perfect. Ahhh . . . that feels so much better.

I have no idea what next year will bring, or even what tomorrow will bring. However, I know that God has amazing things in store for my family, and I couldn't feel more blessed. I just pray that I can remember each and every day to let go of myself and hang onto my Father.

A life worth living

This past week was quite eventful, and a huge assortment of thoughts has been cluttering my mind of late. Our stay here in the hotel has presented us with the opportunity to watch television, something we had not been accustomed to as of late. Today, I have been consumed by the news, something I often steer clear from, due to its depressing nature. However, I was drawn in today, and I cannot help but feel outraged at the likelihood that "Obamacare" will be forced onto us in America.

I certainly do not want to delve into all the details of the bill, but I just cannot overlook one aspect which touches home so deeply to me. I have a difficult time accepting the fact that my taxpayer money will help to fund abortions. As someone who lived through a high risk pregnancy, where the physicians did everything in their power to keep my babies alive, it seems like a horrific contradiction to say that other unborn babies are not worth the trouble.

It is days like today that I am glad that my citizenship is in heaven. The things of this earth are far too overwhelming for me to tackle on my own. Whether discouraged by the political climate or by a fussy toddler, I can always lay my concerns at the feet of my Heavenly Father. I cannot become disheartened. Today is a gift that I refuse to waste on pining over problems.

This past month has certainly been ridden with its share of trials. I will not deny that I have shed a few tears and mumbled several angry words during our transition period. Frustration has been preeminent. However, I feel enormously blessed that we were provided with the resources and flexability to make this situation more than just bearable. God never lets us deal with something that is more than we can handle through His strength. My prayer is that I can always remember that, especially "in the moment." Just think how much less complicated life would be! We all, born and unborn, have been gifted with a tremendous opportunity to live a life worth living.

My "Extraordinary" Day

What separates an ordinary day from an extraordinary day? I've been pondering this subject for the past 24 hours, and have come to a profound conclusion. My extraordinary day may be your ordinary day, just as your extraordinary day may be my ordinary day. In simpler terms, the "extra" is not characterized by an event, but by a mindset.

My day today may seem like the most ordinary and uninteresting day one could imagine. To begin with, I woke up several times in the wee hours of the morning, gazing at the hotel alarm clock. Perhaps my insomnia is due to my pregnancy, perhaps due to the many things that have been occupying my mind of late, but most likely due to the fact that I have been sleeping on a hotel mattress for the past several weeks while awaiting the moment that I can move into our new home and at last reacquaint myself with our sleep number bed. The morning continued rather uneventfully as my husband left early for work and I tried to get a few more hours of sleep while my 2 little dogs nestled themselves amongst the blankets and pillows. When my 15 month old twin daughters awoke, my day began in full swing. Dressing the girls, feeding them breakfast, brushing teeth, reading a story, folding laundry, taking the dogs out, filing some bills, enjoying a quick shower during naptime, fixing snacks and lunch, preparing supper, making some phone calls, and the list goes on. Yes, it sounds quite ordinary and uneventful. But amidst my ordinary life, I enjoyed spending precious moments with my daughters, surely improved my health by being near by dogs, was able to speak with both of my parents and my sister via Mr. Bell's fabulous invention, and gladly welcomed several kisses from my adoring husband.

Indeed, I consider myself blessed; because amidst the "ordinary" things of life, I am able to see the extraordinary. Not every day is this "typical," but I thank the Lord for every moment He has given me. I have decided here and now to make each moment special. My "typical," "uneventful" days will no longer be "ordinary." I have been gifted with life; and therefore, each and every day of this great life should be made "extraordinary."