It seems like life rarely happens as planned -- at least as I plan. I realized this anew with the recent birth of my 3rd daughter. I thought I would have one of those storybook labors (whatever that is), something I didn't have the 1st time around with my twins. But God had different plans, something I wouldn't have imagined, but something that wound up being the best for my little girl. So now I'm glad that things didn't go as planned.
When I look back over the 29 years of my life, I realize that many things didn't go as planned. Growing up, I figured my life would be filled with a career. Even though I had fairy tale dreams of love and marriage, I thought that a family of my own was out of my reach -- so I made other plans. But God's plans surpassed my own -- for which I am eternally grateful.
Four years ago, I met the man who would change my life and make the fairy tale come true. A year later, we were married in a small country church in Wisconsin with our two beautiful horses looking on. Once again, something I never imagined. It would be the beginning of a whirlwhind year. Less than two months later, I had to leave my new husband to check into an eating disorder rehab program for 45 days. My motivation for recovery -- the hope that some day I could have children if I received treatment. A horse trampling, a tumor discovery, and surgery that I thought would surely hamper my longing for children, all ensued.
I never planned to have twins, but God did. I figured my pregnancy would be relatively normal -- not ridden with every possible obstetrical nightmare. I didn't plan to give birth prematurely at 29 weeks, but God had it all taken care of.
Looking back, I can see lots of tears and questions. Many times, I cried out to God, searching for answers. I still don't know why He allowed some struggles and pain. But I have peace knowing that He is and always has been in control.
And so, I've decided that I need to live an "unplanned life." After all, there is no sense in making plans when my Heavenly Father has higher goals in mind. Instead of being a career woman, I'm a happy wife to my own Prince Charming and a delighted mommy to 3 precious girls. I'm glad I chose His plan over my own!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Give Up!
God's Hand is always at work. The past few weeks have been quite eventful. Happily, our family is settled into a cozy little home in Ohio. Four years ago, or even four months ago, I never would have imagined my life where it is now. However, I couldn't be more content.
Sometimes, it's really hard not to focus on our problems. I think we all can be found guilty of that every now and then. "Woe is me", "Why me?", and "I just can't handle any more" can plague our thoughts like a dreadful swarm of locusts, buzzing about us, growing in strength and number the more we dwell on them. I've certainly had my share of complaints lately. From aching muscles to hospital visits to insensitive comments . . . well, I could go on. But, I won't. My problems, trite as they may seem to others, but thoroughly valid in my own mind, should be laid at the feet of my Heavenly Father for Him to deal with. He is much more powerful than me, and certainly far larger than my problems. Every day, every hour, every moment of my "turmoil" I need to remember to just give up. Give up on me trying to fix things, give up on me trying to change people, give up on feeling regret for things in the past, give up on feeling anxiety for the future, give up on trying to be perfect. Sound pessimistic? Definitely not! I can experience a whole new world of freedom if I just take a deep breath, give it all up to my Savior, and realize that He can fix things much better than I can, only He can change people, He can take away my past regrets, He can give me hope for the future, and only He is perfect. Ahhh . . . that feels so much better.
I have no idea what next year will bring, or even what tomorrow will bring. However, I know that God has amazing things in store for my family, and I couldn't feel more blessed. I just pray that I can remember each and every day to let go of myself and hang onto my Father.
Sometimes, it's really hard not to focus on our problems. I think we all can be found guilty of that every now and then. "Woe is me", "Why me?", and "I just can't handle any more" can plague our thoughts like a dreadful swarm of locusts, buzzing about us, growing in strength and number the more we dwell on them. I've certainly had my share of complaints lately. From aching muscles to hospital visits to insensitive comments . . . well, I could go on. But, I won't. My problems, trite as they may seem to others, but thoroughly valid in my own mind, should be laid at the feet of my Heavenly Father for Him to deal with. He is much more powerful than me, and certainly far larger than my problems. Every day, every hour, every moment of my "turmoil" I need to remember to just give up. Give up on me trying to fix things, give up on me trying to change people, give up on feeling regret for things in the past, give up on feeling anxiety for the future, give up on trying to be perfect. Sound pessimistic? Definitely not! I can experience a whole new world of freedom if I just take a deep breath, give it all up to my Savior, and realize that He can fix things much better than I can, only He can change people, He can take away my past regrets, He can give me hope for the future, and only He is perfect. Ahhh . . . that feels so much better.
I have no idea what next year will bring, or even what tomorrow will bring. However, I know that God has amazing things in store for my family, and I couldn't feel more blessed. I just pray that I can remember each and every day to let go of myself and hang onto my Father.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
A life worth living
This past week was quite eventful, and a huge assortment of thoughts has been cluttering my mind of late. Our stay here in the hotel has presented us with the opportunity to watch television, something we had not been accustomed to as of late. Today, I have been consumed by the news, something I often steer clear from, due to its depressing nature. However, I was drawn in today, and I cannot help but feel outraged at the likelihood that "Obamacare" will be forced onto us in America.
I certainly do not want to delve into all the details of the bill, but I just cannot overlook one aspect which touches home so deeply to me. I have a difficult time accepting the fact that my taxpayer money will help to fund abortions. As someone who lived through a high risk pregnancy, where the physicians did everything in their power to keep my babies alive, it seems like a horrific contradiction to say that other unborn babies are not worth the trouble.
It is days like today that I am glad that my citizenship is in heaven. The things of this earth are far too overwhelming for me to tackle on my own. Whether discouraged by the political climate or by a fussy toddler, I can always lay my concerns at the feet of my Heavenly Father. I cannot become disheartened. Today is a gift that I refuse to waste on pining over problems.
This past month has certainly been ridden with its share of trials. I will not deny that I have shed a few tears and mumbled several angry words during our transition period. Frustration has been preeminent. However, I feel enormously blessed that we were provided with the resources and flexability to make this situation more than just bearable. God never lets us deal with something that is more than we can handle through His strength. My prayer is that I can always remember that, especially "in the moment." Just think how much less complicated life would be! We all, born and unborn, have been gifted with a tremendous opportunity to live a life worth living.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
My "Extraordinary" Day
What separates an ordinary day from an extraordinary day? I've been pondering this subject for the past 24 hours, and have come to a profound conclusion. My extraordinary day may be your ordinary day, just as your extraordinary day may be my ordinary day. In simpler terms, the "extra" is not characterized by an event, but by a mindset.
My day today may seem like the most ordinary and uninteresting day one could imagine. To begin with, I woke up several times in the wee hours of the morning, gazing at the hotel alarm clock. Perhaps my insomnia is due to my pregnancy, perhaps due to the many things that have been occupying my mind of late, but most likely due to the fact that I have been sleeping on a hotel mattress for the past several weeks while awaiting the moment that I can move into our new home and at last reacquaint myself with our sleep number bed. The morning continued rather uneventfully as my husband left early for work and I tried to get a few more hours of sleep while my 2 little dogs nestled themselves amongst the blankets and pillows. When my 15 month old twin daughters awoke, my day began in full swing. Dressing the girls, feeding them breakfast, brushing teeth, reading a story, folding laundry, taking the dogs out, filing some bills, enjoying a quick shower during naptime, fixing snacks and lunch, preparing supper, making some phone calls, and the list goes on. Yes, it sounds quite ordinary and uneventful. But amidst my ordinary life, I enjoyed spending precious moments with my daughters, surely improved my health by being near by dogs, was able to speak with both of my parents and my sister via Mr. Bell's fabulous invention, and gladly welcomed several kisses from my adoring husband.
Indeed, I consider myself blessed; because amidst the "ordinary" things of life, I am able to see the extraordinary. Not every day is this "typical," but I thank the Lord for every moment He has given me. I have decided here and now to make each moment special. My "typical," "uneventful" days will no longer be "ordinary." I have been gifted with life; and therefore, each and every day of this great life should be made "extraordinary."
My day today may seem like the most ordinary and uninteresting day one could imagine. To begin with, I woke up several times in the wee hours of the morning, gazing at the hotel alarm clock. Perhaps my insomnia is due to my pregnancy, perhaps due to the many things that have been occupying my mind of late, but most likely due to the fact that I have been sleeping on a hotel mattress for the past several weeks while awaiting the moment that I can move into our new home and at last reacquaint myself with our sleep number bed. The morning continued rather uneventfully as my husband left early for work and I tried to get a few more hours of sleep while my 2 little dogs nestled themselves amongst the blankets and pillows. When my 15 month old twin daughters awoke, my day began in full swing. Dressing the girls, feeding them breakfast, brushing teeth, reading a story, folding laundry, taking the dogs out, filing some bills, enjoying a quick shower during naptime, fixing snacks and lunch, preparing supper, making some phone calls, and the list goes on. Yes, it sounds quite ordinary and uneventful. But amidst my ordinary life, I enjoyed spending precious moments with my daughters, surely improved my health by being near by dogs, was able to speak with both of my parents and my sister via Mr. Bell's fabulous invention, and gladly welcomed several kisses from my adoring husband.
Indeed, I consider myself blessed; because amidst the "ordinary" things of life, I am able to see the extraordinary. Not every day is this "typical," but I thank the Lord for every moment He has given me. I have decided here and now to make each moment special. My "typical," "uneventful" days will no longer be "ordinary." I have been gifted with life; and therefore, each and every day of this great life should be made "extraordinary."
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