Think on these things

It started as a relatively normal morning.  Actually, it was a fairly exceptional morning.  I awoke before the rest of the family, fed the baby, got ready for church, fed the rest of the family, and then bathed all four children before leaving the house shortly after 9 a.m.  I was actually quite impressed with how "together" I was.  But then, I began to have some nagging feelings.  Feelings of homesickness.  Feelings of inadequacy.  By the time Sunday School was half over, I had convinced myself that no one liked me, everyone thought I was the world's worst mother, and my family was a huge burden to all those I met.  Furthermore, I was sick of being the new person. 

The feelings progressively grew stronger and I continued to wallow in my miserable self-pity.  Once I returned home, I could no longer control the tears which flowed freely.  Jeff graciously played with the girls while I sobbed, prayed, and carried on with my household chores.  While chopping onions, I suddenly realized why I was so upset.  I believe that Satan knows where to attack us.  He preys on us where we are vulnerable and where we want control.  Isn't that what he's all about, anyways?  From the very beginning, he tempted Eve with control -- the ability to know it all, to have it all together, and to be "like God."  For years, he attacked me with the control of an eating disorder.  Now that he knows that God has given me victory over that, he has turned to something else.  He knows that he can hurt me and hinder the effectiveness of my testimony through the one thing which I truly cannot have complete control -- the behavior of my children.  I'm not saying that I have absolutely no control over my children.  I don't let them run wild through the town and I keep the matches up so they don't set themselves on fire; but I can't always predict what they are going to do.  Inevitably, the baby is going to start fussing in the middle of a prayer, the toddler is going to spill something, and one of the preschoolers will loudly ask "who stinks?" during a lull in conversation.  I generally try not to let these things bother me too much.  I do, after all, have four very young children.  At any given moment, one of them is bound to be cranky, tired, unhappy, hungry, wet, hurt, or whiny.

My goal this year has been to take heed to Philippians 4:8.  "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."  You see, if I set my mind on these things, the thoughts of inadequacy and loneliness fade away.  God doesn't set us up for failure.  He loves me far more than I can even love myself, and He knew that with His strength to carry me through each and every boo boo and argument, I can care for these four beautiful children He has entrusted to me for a little while.

So today, after lots of tears, and lots of encouragement from my husband, my sister, and my mother (yes, I need a support team), I determined to once again hold my head high.  I am not a failure.  I am loved.  My children have a mother who loves God and who wants to honor Him.  Sure, I'll probably lose my patience with them tomorrow, and I'll probably hear the lies of Satan whisper when I do, but I'm determined to outdrown those lies with the truths of Scripture.  And let me tell you, Satan's lies are far from true, honest, just, pure, lovely, or of good report.  I don't know about you, but I would rather not think on those things.